I have a problem when it comes to learning a language; I'm always very fearful of making a mistake. I'm usually a decent reader/writer, but I'm terrified of speaking. I freeze up and forget all of my vocabulary and grammar. It's really awful. Even if I can understand a conversation as a third party, the moment that I enter a conversation, everything goes away. I know I'm not alone in this; learning a foreign language is incredibly difficult.
When I started learning Turkish, it was no different. Our Istanbul AFS group had Turkish lessons every weekend for about an hour. They were decent. It's difficult to teach a language without a teaching background, but our native speaker teachers did pretty good. We began to see the pattern of Turkish, and some of us got improved really quickly. I, naturally, was not among those who improved quickly. I could remember vocabulary and grammar easily, but I would never, ever volunteer to speak. I always left it up to my friends. In my host families, in school, at restaurants--wherever I was, English was the language I spoke. I had a decent grasp of Turkish after three or four months; I could form basic ideas and use a small variety of grammar. When I met Kaan, we were able to hold basic conversations. Speaking with him naturally made me more confident; since he didn't (and still doesn't) know much English, speaking Turkish with him helped me improve drastically.
Over the years, Kaan and I spoke pretty regularly on the phone and on MSN. We didn't have deep, spiritual conversations, but it was enough practice to keep me from forgetting what I had learned in those 10 months. Many of the other friends from that year have admitted that they haven't been practicing and thus, have lost much of what they learned. It's a shame; if they had kept with it, many would probably be nearly-fluent. That isn't my point here--though I think it is important to stress that a student of any foreign language should try and use it regularly, even if only in basic conversations.
The point of this little text is to share that I've finished reading my first -real- book in Turkish. I don't think I can express how proud I am of myself. I have learned Turkish to a point where I can read 350 page novels with about 80% comprehension. I used to be so afraid to speak, so afraid to make a mistake. If I hadn't met Kaan, I don't think I would be able to speak, let alone read and converse. I'm excited now, to see how much farther I can take this skill. I'm eagerly searching for my next book to conquer.. it's a really nice feeling.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Life has been pretty dull for the last couple of weeks. As I mentioned before, I was lucky enough to have my darling friend Cameron visit in the last week of May. He left on the morning of June 1, leaving me just enough time to begin to prepare for my finals.
I have one left to do--a presentation for my Turkish class--but otherwise I'm done with school. It's a relief, really.. I enjoy taking classes and engaging in discussions, but I despise writing finals. Somehow the finals here seem so different from the finals in the States; they seem to be mostly timed essay responses. I don't mind a take-home essay so much, but sitting through these timed essays is really stressful.
I'll be transferring a fair amount of credits back to my host university, but I fear it won't be nearly enough. I've been doing some planning for this next year, and it appears that I'll be breaking my back and paying extra tuition to catch up and graduate, or I'll be staying an extra quarter or two. At roughly 12,000US per quarter, taking a little bit of extra time isn't as light of a decision as it sounds. I don't really know what I'll do about the future; then again, no one ever really does.
I'd like to apply for a teaching post in Turkey through Fulbright for the 2011-2012 school year. I would like a chance to give back to the 'community' that has given me so much. If I make it through this next year, I'll sure be glad to have a lot more freedom to do some traveling and teaching.
For now, though, I have to get ready to go to my last class/final. I'm already in summer mode, so I'm hoping the meeting is easy and quick!
I have one left to do--a presentation for my Turkish class--but otherwise I'm done with school. It's a relief, really.. I enjoy taking classes and engaging in discussions, but I despise writing finals. Somehow the finals here seem so different from the finals in the States; they seem to be mostly timed essay responses. I don't mind a take-home essay so much, but sitting through these timed essays is really stressful.
I'll be transferring a fair amount of credits back to my host university, but I fear it won't be nearly enough. I've been doing some planning for this next year, and it appears that I'll be breaking my back and paying extra tuition to catch up and graduate, or I'll be staying an extra quarter or two. At roughly 12,000US per quarter, taking a little bit of extra time isn't as light of a decision as it sounds. I don't really know what I'll do about the future; then again, no one ever really does.
I'd like to apply for a teaching post in Turkey through Fulbright for the 2011-2012 school year. I would like a chance to give back to the 'community' that has given me so much. If I make it through this next year, I'll sure be glad to have a lot more freedom to do some traveling and teaching.
For now, though, I have to get ready to go to my last class/final. I'm already in summer mode, so I'm hoping the meeting is easy and quick!
Friday, May 28, 2010
parades
One thing I love about Istanbul is that the city is so big that there's always something going on. Most of these goings on happen in my part of town, so I often get a chance to see some pretty exciting things.
Today, my visiting friend Cameron and I were hanging about the Taksim Square area when a parade of boating enthusiasts passed by. There were people from Indonesia, Croatia, France, Russia, Ukraine, and even Poland. There were marching bands, songs, and some people dressed as animals. It was pretty much the best parade I've ever seen. Cameron and I got to see it three times. First, we watched it go by as it entered Istiklal Caddesi. We watched it a second time as we walked along it, passing the various groups and interrupting camera shots. Finally, after we passed the first group a good kilometer down, we got to watch it all pass by again. It was a lovely thing. I'm trying to see if we made it on the news as observers.
Traveling is always more fun with a friend. Watching the locals can even be fun with someone to chat with. Much of our day today was spent just people watching and strolling around the streets of Taksim. It's nice to finally be in a position to host someone and show them around.
I've been taking advantage of having my friend around by bouncing ideas off of him for the future. I have a lot of plans bubbling around in my head right now. It's definitely helpful to have someone to discuss them with.
I suppose the conclusion of this post is that parades are awesome, but even better with a friend.
Today, my visiting friend Cameron and I were hanging about the Taksim Square area when a parade of boating enthusiasts passed by. There were people from Indonesia, Croatia, France, Russia, Ukraine, and even Poland. There were marching bands, songs, and some people dressed as animals. It was pretty much the best parade I've ever seen. Cameron and I got to see it three times. First, we watched it go by as it entered Istiklal Caddesi. We watched it a second time as we walked along it, passing the various groups and interrupting camera shots. Finally, after we passed the first group a good kilometer down, we got to watch it all pass by again. It was a lovely thing. I'm trying to see if we made it on the news as observers.
Traveling is always more fun with a friend. Watching the locals can even be fun with someone to chat with. Much of our day today was spent just people watching and strolling around the streets of Taksim. It's nice to finally be in a position to host someone and show them around.
I've been taking advantage of having my friend around by bouncing ideas off of him for the future. I have a lot of plans bubbling around in my head right now. It's definitely helpful to have someone to discuss them with.
I suppose the conclusion of this post is that parades are awesome, but even better with a friend.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
50 days
Friends, I have less than fifty days left here in Turkey. What an upsetting thought! I feel like I have so much to do in school and so many things I haven't done, people I haven't seen!
I did have a terrible experience today. After a lovely dinner, Kaan decided to buy what looked like prickly aloe vera leaves. "Here, you'll like this," he said, handing me a piece. It was terrible. I took one small bite and could hardly finish chewing. He's eaten six or seven leaves of this thing; I don't know how he does it! I also don't know what this thing is. He doesn't know the Turkish name for it, so I think I'll forever be wondering. (Apparently the Kurdish is ribis?)
I find that I often forget that Turkish is Kaan's second language. It's difficult to imagine your partner's past, especially when it's so different from what he or she is living today. Hopefully we can go visit his parents soon, and I'll be able to have a better understanding of what his childhood was like.
Also, today is Mother's Day! I sent my momma a nice email; I'll probably buy her some nice earrings to give to her when I come home. I hope everyone has hugged their momma or at least called her to say hello. Kaan and I tried to call his mom, but we had some trouble reaching her. Perhaps we can try again a little later. Anyhow, to all the mommas out there, happy mother's day!
I want to thank all of my foreign commenters for regularly leaving such pleasant comments. I do wish to ask that future commenters refrain from linking to other websites; I will from now on moderate all comments and delete any that contain links I deem inappropriate. I would like to think this won't deter anyone from reading or commenting, but I'd prefer the be an unread blogger than be a place for advertisements.
I did have a terrible experience today. After a lovely dinner, Kaan decided to buy what looked like prickly aloe vera leaves. "Here, you'll like this," he said, handing me a piece. It was terrible. I took one small bite and could hardly finish chewing. He's eaten six or seven leaves of this thing; I don't know how he does it! I also don't know what this thing is. He doesn't know the Turkish name for it, so I think I'll forever be wondering. (Apparently the Kurdish is ribis?)
I find that I often forget that Turkish is Kaan's second language. It's difficult to imagine your partner's past, especially when it's so different from what he or she is living today. Hopefully we can go visit his parents soon, and I'll be able to have a better understanding of what his childhood was like.
Also, today is Mother's Day! I sent my momma a nice email; I'll probably buy her some nice earrings to give to her when I come home. I hope everyone has hugged their momma or at least called her to say hello. Kaan and I tried to call his mom, but we had some trouble reaching her. Perhaps we can try again a little later. Anyhow, to all the mommas out there, happy mother's day!
I want to thank all of my foreign commenters for regularly leaving such pleasant comments. I do wish to ask that future commenters refrain from linking to other websites; I will from now on moderate all comments and delete any that contain links I deem inappropriate. I would like to think this won't deter anyone from reading or commenting, but I'd prefer the be an unread blogger than be a place for advertisements.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
I was totally wrong.
Today was not scary or dangerous at all! I'm so pleased. I think I saw two conflicts on the news. Considering Taksim Square was home to tens of thousands of people, that's a really great achievement.
I think today was handled exceptionally well by people from all sides.
I think today was handled exceptionally well by people from all sides.
Friday, April 30, 2010
worker's day
Today is a scary day for me. Some of you might remember my IMF protest post. What had started as a genuine protest against the IMF World Bank meeting in Istanbul turned into an opportunity for angry citizens to fight with the police. I remember seeing people run by the cafe holding sling shots and wearing face-concealing masks. When I spoke to one of my professors about that day, he joked that those activities were just a dress rehearsal for May Day. The last few years have definitely been tense; I recall watching the news and seeing pepper bombs and water cannons. Kaan called me in 2007 (I was in Canakkale), complaining that he had experienced both a pepper bomb and (if I recall correctly) a flash bomb. Today is a day when those who can afford to stay at home do so, when those who have a summer house across the Bosporus visit it, and when those who have to work pack a gas mask.
Until 1977, Taksim Square was open to protesters and gatherers on May Day. May 1, 1977 30 protesters were killed when an unidentified man opened fire into the crowd. Depending on one's political leaning, this unidentified man can be part of the right wing or part of the deep state. Either way, Taksim has been forbidden to protesters until this year. Despite this, anti-government groups were still able to come out in full force, causing a day of general chaos and danger for police and citizens alike.
I'm watching the news right now, and I intend to keep it on throughout the day. So far, it's clear that the city is completely shut down. Taksim, normally tremendously crowded, is empty. The bus stop (serving at least 30 bus routes) is empty. The only people around are those workers participating in the protests, the news crews, and the police. There are 22,000 police on duty today. From what I can see on the news, Istiklal Caddesi is completely blocked off. It's a good thing I have a lot of homework to do today.
This year the Turkish government recognizes May Day as a Worker's Day, so for those who ARE laborers and union members, it's a really big accomplishment. In the beginning of the year, the Tekel workers had a nearly two month protest. I won't lie; I'm not entirely sure what they were protesting (I try to listen to the news, but my Turkish isn't always good enough to understand everything). However, the ability to gather today and the recognition of today as a worker's holiday is a great step forward in achieving better worker's rights. I see it as an opening of the government, a willingness to listen; however, I could be completely off base. It's nice to see groups gathering to celebrate, even if everyone is really waiting for something terrible to happen.
It appears that today's gathering is composed of many of the major Turkish labor unions, although there are many anarchist groups as well. I haven't been able to catch all of the groups or the number of the groups, but here is a short article listing a few of them. Three groups are walking toward Taksim Square from different parts of the city (one from Mecediyeköy, one from Dolmabahçe Palace/Gümüşsuyu, and one from Eminönü) at 10am. I don't know anything other than that; I imagine the groups will have a speech and some other celebratory acts. Celebrations start at 11am in Taksim. They are currently playing some really loud music from Taksim. I can hear it from my house! I had to shut my window to hear the news. It's that loud.
I think after the demonstrations by the union groups, the afternoon and evening will be full of anti-government protests. I sincerely hope I'm wrong; this day shouldn't be about fighting the police. It's a day to celebrate the workers. Unfortunately, I feel like there are certain groups that will capitalize on a day like this to try to riot. I'm nervous for Kaan, who is working down the hill from Taksim. He's far enough away that I think he'll only experience mild discomfort if anything, but I'm still nervous.
Seriously, I hope today is just about celebrating those workers and striving to improve workers rights throughout Turkey. I'll update if anything major happens. I've included two articles from the English language newspapers below, if anyone wishes to read further.
Daily News article
Today's Zaman article
Thousands gather... from Daily News
In a more positive note, I was able to speak with my little sister today. She's graduating high school this month! She'll be a freshman at Tulane University in New Orleans. I'm super excited for her. She wanted me to include the following message: "ap tests, boys, graduations, boys, summer, boys, etc". She has something like 4 or 5 AP tests in the next few weeks, and then she can focus on the more exciting things like boys, graduation, boys, summer, and boys. I don't want anyone to get the impression that she's boy-crazy; this must be a phase.
Unless there's something pressing to say later, I'm going to wrap it with one final thought. It's interesting that in the States, we have nothing quite like this. We celebrate Labor Day, but I've never really been aware of the nature of the day. I wonder how much of it has to do with the extreme fear of communism in the 50's and 60's. Worker's Day does have a rather leftist ring to it. So to all you lefties and righties, commies and good ol' Uhmer'cans (and of course, everyone else!), have a happy and safe Labor/May/Worker's Day!
Until 1977, Taksim Square was open to protesters and gatherers on May Day. May 1, 1977 30 protesters were killed when an unidentified man opened fire into the crowd. Depending on one's political leaning, this unidentified man can be part of the right wing or part of the deep state. Either way, Taksim has been forbidden to protesters until this year. Despite this, anti-government groups were still able to come out in full force, causing a day of general chaos and danger for police and citizens alike.
I'm watching the news right now, and I intend to keep it on throughout the day. So far, it's clear that the city is completely shut down. Taksim, normally tremendously crowded, is empty. The bus stop (serving at least 30 bus routes) is empty. The only people around are those workers participating in the protests, the news crews, and the police. There are 22,000 police on duty today. From what I can see on the news, Istiklal Caddesi is completely blocked off. It's a good thing I have a lot of homework to do today.
This year the Turkish government recognizes May Day as a Worker's Day, so for those who ARE laborers and union members, it's a really big accomplishment. In the beginning of the year, the Tekel workers had a nearly two month protest. I won't lie; I'm not entirely sure what they were protesting (I try to listen to the news, but my Turkish isn't always good enough to understand everything). However, the ability to gather today and the recognition of today as a worker's holiday is a great step forward in achieving better worker's rights. I see it as an opening of the government, a willingness to listen; however, I could be completely off base. It's nice to see groups gathering to celebrate, even if everyone is really waiting for something terrible to happen.
It appears that today's gathering is composed of many of the major Turkish labor unions, although there are many anarchist groups as well. I haven't been able to catch all of the groups or the number of the groups, but here is a short article listing a few of them. Three groups are walking toward Taksim Square from different parts of the city (one from Mecediyeköy, one from Dolmabahçe Palace/Gümüşsuyu, and one from Eminönü) at 10am. I don't know anything other than that; I imagine the groups will have a speech and some other celebratory acts. Celebrations start at 11am in Taksim. They are currently playing some really loud music from Taksim. I can hear it from my house! I had to shut my window to hear the news. It's that loud.
I think after the demonstrations by the union groups, the afternoon and evening will be full of anti-government protests. I sincerely hope I'm wrong; this day shouldn't be about fighting the police. It's a day to celebrate the workers. Unfortunately, I feel like there are certain groups that will capitalize on a day like this to try to riot. I'm nervous for Kaan, who is working down the hill from Taksim. He's far enough away that I think he'll only experience mild discomfort if anything, but I'm still nervous.
Seriously, I hope today is just about celebrating those workers and striving to improve workers rights throughout Turkey. I'll update if anything major happens. I've included two articles from the English language newspapers below, if anyone wishes to read further.
Daily News article
Today's Zaman article
Thousands gather... from Daily News
In a more positive note, I was able to speak with my little sister today. She's graduating high school this month! She'll be a freshman at Tulane University in New Orleans. I'm super excited for her. She wanted me to include the following message: "ap tests, boys, graduations, boys, summer, boys, etc". She has something like 4 or 5 AP tests in the next few weeks, and then she can focus on the more exciting things like boys, graduation, boys, summer, and boys. I don't want anyone to get the impression that she's boy-crazy; this must be a phase.
Unless there's something pressing to say later, I'm going to wrap it with one final thought. It's interesting that in the States, we have nothing quite like this. We celebrate Labor Day, but I've never really been aware of the nature of the day. I wonder how much of it has to do with the extreme fear of communism in the 50's and 60's. Worker's Day does have a rather leftist ring to it. So to all you lefties and righties, commies and good ol' Uhmer'cans (and of course, everyone else!), have a happy and safe Labor/May/Worker's Day!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
wrapping up
It's hard to believe that the school year is almost over. Yes, I still have a good month of classes. However, time seems to be flying now! I can't lie, I am getting excited to go back. Lately, though, I've been noticing a strange mix of emotions. I finally feel like I belong here; my apartment has really become home. Kaan and I have a pretty sound routine. I'm getting used to cooking and eating here. I feel like I have a purpose and a good group of friends (everyone, of course, will leave at the end of the semester, so it is just an illusion of stability). Things are pretty good.. I could definitely live here if I wanted.
So I have a dilemma. Giving up the life I've established here to go back to the dredge of school and work seems less than ideal.. But then I remember my friends and family back home waiting for me. I remember the access to delicious, ethnic, vegan food and organic grocery stores! I remember an entire year's worth of television to catch up on!
It's hard to be a student on study abroad. Just as you start to put down roots in a new place, you have to return home.
My trip ends on June 28. I'll be simultaneously sad and excited to go back home. I have a lot of adventures left ahead of me; going home is one step closer to starting the next one!
So I have a dilemma. Giving up the life I've established here to go back to the dredge of school and work seems less than ideal.. But then I remember my friends and family back home waiting for me. I remember the access to delicious, ethnic, vegan food and organic grocery stores! I remember an entire year's worth of television to catch up on!
It's hard to be a student on study abroad. Just as you start to put down roots in a new place, you have to return home.
My trip ends on June 28. I'll be simultaneously sad and excited to go back home. I have a lot of adventures left ahead of me; going home is one step closer to starting the next one!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
another small post
"The Turks consider it unlucky to step on a piece of bread." [link]
Whenever Kaan and I are walking around, he always makes sure to pick up and move any bread that's found on the ground. He says it's a sin to step on, to walk on food. I've only done a few brief, basic searches on Google, but I haven't found anything specifically forbidding it. Verifiability isn't really what I'm concerned out; rather, I'm curious about from where this belief/understanding comes from. While stumbling around today, I came across a trivia list with the above 'fact'. Again, I'm not interested really in whether or not it's the truth (but Evrim, if you are familiar with this, please let me know!). What's interesting to me is that this superstition/belief/whatever has made its way into the practice of Islam in Kaan's family.
That's really the whole purpose to this post; I discovered something cultural that I didn't know before.
Also, some big German person has come to the Germanchurchhigh school on our street. There are tons of police standing around, soldiers patrolling, and camera crews running around. It's very exciting. I'll try to find something on the news, as I actually have no idea who is here or why.
[edit]
It turns out that the visitor wasn't just ANY big German person.. it was Chancellor Merkel herself. She apparently visited a few sites in Istanbul, including our neighborhood German high school. I took a few photos and didn't see much else. I let a cameraman into the apartment to take some footage (probably not the best idea, but I was excited to help someone get a good shot!). If I can find the clip, I'll be sure to post it. I'll try to post some of the pictures I took too. It was really interesting to see just how many people were actually involved in the street security process. I think there were about 15 cars in the whole procession! I'll be sure to update with news articles as I find them.
Whenever Kaan and I are walking around, he always makes sure to pick up and move any bread that's found on the ground. He says it's a sin to step on, to walk on food. I've only done a few brief, basic searches on Google, but I haven't found anything specifically forbidding it. Verifiability isn't really what I'm concerned out; rather, I'm curious about from where this belief/understanding comes from. While stumbling around today, I came across a trivia list with the above 'fact'. Again, I'm not interested really in whether or not it's the truth (but Evrim, if you are familiar with this, please let me know!). What's interesting to me is that this superstition/belief/whatever has made its way into the practice of Islam in Kaan's family.
That's really the whole purpose to this post; I discovered something cultural that I didn't know before.
Also, some big German person has come to the German
[edit]
It turns out that the visitor wasn't just ANY big German person.. it was Chancellor Merkel herself. She apparently visited a few sites in Istanbul, including our neighborhood German high school. I took a few photos and didn't see much else. I let a cameraman into the apartment to take some footage (probably not the best idea, but I was excited to help someone get a good shot!). If I can find the clip, I'll be sure to post it. I'll try to post some of the pictures I took too. It was really interesting to see just how many people were actually involved in the street security process. I think there were about 15 cars in the whole procession! I'll be sure to update with news articles as I find them.
Monday, March 29, 2010
oh, Turkey
Just a quick update today to inform all nine of you of a rather strange development. Yesterday while the nephew was cruising the channels, I noticed that several of ours were not showing up on the channel guide. I was hoping that it was some sort of a glitch, but today when I turned on the telly (to catch my favorite, Mrs. deGeneres!) those same channels were gone.
I asked Kaan to call the company (DigiTurk) and see what the problem was. We've been having these strange issues with our home add ons (I can't think of what else to call them: things like electricity, water, television. Utilities would work, except TV isn't a utility. Anyway!). For about two days, our electricity was gone. When Kaan went to check at the electric place, they said not only did they not cut our electricity, our bills were all paid up. This is strange because I haven't received a bill since January! Strange. But so Kaan called up DigiTurk to see what the matter was. According to them, the channels we weren't receiving were being transmitted as normal. Baffled, we went up to the terrace to check our dish; perhaps something had been broken.
So we get to the terrace and it turns out, the down stairs neighbors have put THEIR dish RIGHT on top of ours. I couldn't believe it. On the same pole, facing the same direction, even covering the top of our dish. Unbelievable! We're thinking that's the problem. Unfortunately, they aren't home, so we can't complain. Does this happen anywhere else? Maybe I just haven't lived in enough big cities, but I don't think anything quite like this would happen in Colorado Springs or Denver.
The weird thing is I watched Ellen on Thursday or Friday. I can't recall a lot of noise on the weekend, so I don't know when they would have stealthily handicapped our dish. It's a mystery! I'm eager for them to come home so we can work this out. Until then, I'll try to catch some Ellen clips online!
I asked Kaan to call the company (DigiTurk) and see what the problem was. We've been having these strange issues with our home add ons (I can't think of what else to call them: things like electricity, water, television. Utilities would work, except TV isn't a utility. Anyway!). For about two days, our electricity was gone. When Kaan went to check at the electric place, they said not only did they not cut our electricity, our bills were all paid up. This is strange because I haven't received a bill since January! Strange. But so Kaan called up DigiTurk to see what the matter was. According to them, the channels we weren't receiving were being transmitted as normal. Baffled, we went up to the terrace to check our dish; perhaps something had been broken.
So we get to the terrace and it turns out, the down stairs neighbors have put THEIR dish RIGHT on top of ours. I couldn't believe it. On the same pole, facing the same direction, even covering the top of our dish. Unbelievable! We're thinking that's the problem. Unfortunately, they aren't home, so we can't complain. Does this happen anywhere else? Maybe I just haven't lived in enough big cities, but I don't think anything quite like this would happen in Colorado Springs or Denver.
The weird thing is I watched Ellen on Thursday or Friday. I can't recall a lot of noise on the weekend, so I don't know when they would have stealthily handicapped our dish. It's a mystery! I'm eager for them to come home so we can work this out. Until then, I'll try to catch some Ellen clips online!
Friday, March 26, 2010
no more excuses
I ought to take my own advice here; I ought to stop making excuses for my extreme lack of adventure! With Spring Break coming up, I have a great opportunity to do some exploring. I have almost three weeks with no school (just two midterms)! Most of the other exchange students here have planned some grand adventure.. maybe I'll try to tag along.
The package from my mother finally arrived. It can be so hard to get organized and motivated sometimes; it took her almost two months to send me this box. I finally got it last week, on the same day we set up our home internet AND purchased a lovely new table. Needless to say, it was a great day. My mom sent some junk food treats (Boulder Chips!) and some lovely socks from Target, as well as a scarf for Kaan and some cute office supplies. Regardless of how impractical or little the gifts are, it's always nice to get a package from someone full of things that make you smile. Although I don't need a pink stapler, it was definitely my favorite part of the box! So, thanks mom, for knowing just how to make my day.
Along with this "no more excuses" post, I have to admit that, now with internet at home, I have no excuse to not update. I know I'll find something resembling an excuse (a lack of anything interesting to say, perhaps!), but I'll definitely have more frequent updates. It can be really hard to sit down and think your life into blog posts, without making stupid updates about what you ate for lunch. I have a habit of posting insignificant details like that on my personal blog; I'm working hard to avoid it here!
One of my projects for over break is to take more photos. I'm eager to show off my neighborhood and life here in Istanbul. Also, I have to write a little paper about it for my Turkish class. So perhaps I'll post a little bit here. My darling friend Kyle puts me to shame with his frequent, informative blog updates! He's had such a wonderful array of trips and experiences; I have total blog envy. If I remember next time, I'll post a link to some of my favorite posts of his.
The package from my mother finally arrived. It can be so hard to get organized and motivated sometimes; it took her almost two months to send me this box. I finally got it last week, on the same day we set up our home internet AND purchased a lovely new table. Needless to say, it was a great day. My mom sent some junk food treats (Boulder Chips!) and some lovely socks from Target, as well as a scarf for Kaan and some cute office supplies. Regardless of how impractical or little the gifts are, it's always nice to get a package from someone full of things that make you smile. Although I don't need a pink stapler, it was definitely my favorite part of the box! So, thanks mom, for knowing just how to make my day.
Along with this "no more excuses" post, I have to admit that, now with internet at home, I have no excuse to not update. I know I'll find something resembling an excuse (a lack of anything interesting to say, perhaps!), but I'll definitely have more frequent updates. It can be really hard to sit down and think your life into blog posts, without making stupid updates about what you ate for lunch. I have a habit of posting insignificant details like that on my personal blog; I'm working hard to avoid it here!
One of my projects for over break is to take more photos. I'm eager to show off my neighborhood and life here in Istanbul. Also, I have to write a little paper about it for my Turkish class. So perhaps I'll post a little bit here. My darling friend Kyle puts me to shame with his frequent, informative blog updates! He's had such a wonderful array of trips and experiences; I have total blog envy. If I remember next time, I'll post a link to some of my favorite posts of his.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I've been such a crappy blogger lately, I'm sorry. I'll try to write more, I promise!
Here’s the latest news:
Kaan’s nephew has been staying with us for the last few days. Normally I don’t particularly enjoy having guests, but it’s been quite fun. Suat is 17 or 18 and is the son of Kaan’s eldest sister, Zahide. It’s an interesting situation; Suat is one of 13 siblings. It’s certainly a mind-boggling number. Granted, she’s the second wife of Suat’s father and has only given birth to EIGHT of the thirteen, but it’s still a scary number to those of us who think anything over 3 children is a lot. It marks another division between the rural families and the urban families, as I think it also does in the States. Families that come from the country (versus the city) tend to have larger families to aid in farming and whatnot. In the States, I think this also relates in a small part to rural religious conservatism (the Quiverfull-type people). I’m not sure I’m educated enough to make a judgment like that for Turkey, but I reckon there are similar circumstances. Whatever the reasons for this really large household, the situation is interesting to me.
Suat works during the day, so it’s been quiet at home. He comes home just as Kaan leaves for work, usually, so I finally have something to occupy me in the evenings. It’s really nice to have some company after spending most of the day alone. However, we’ve been staying up quite late the last few nights, and it’s really wearing on me. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy staying up late, but I may try to go to sleep just a little bit earlier from now on. It’s really a drag to sleep most of the day because you were having too much fun hanging out the night before. It’s even more of a drag to not sleep all day but wish you had.
School is continuing. I find more and more that I’m frustrated by the lack of organization here. I have classes that I like (or would potentially like) but still have no clue how they will be graded. I don’t have a syllabus for one class. I have a partial syllabus for another. It’s really crazy. Mid-terms are in two or three weeks, and we don’t have a syllabus? Just ridiculous. On Thursday, my class was cancelled. Of course, since I don’t have internet at home, I couldn’t go check the online page. Luckily, nothing was posted online about a cancelled class. Apparently everyone except three of us knew there was to be no class. We showed up and waited for fifteen minutes before being kicked out of the room. It was really strange and frustrating! At DU, if class is going to be cancelled, we often know in advance. If a last minute cancellation, most teachers have the decency to send someone to post a note on the door. Sure, most of us are rooting for class to be cancelled, waiting for that 15th minute to pass so we can “legally” leave. But somehow it’s easier to root for a class to be cancelled when you aren’t the only one waiting for it to start. It’s so hard to be happy that class is cancelled when you weren’t going to come in the first place, but your sense of responsibility and obligation dragged you out of bed and aaaallllll the way to school.
Here’s the latest news:
Kaan’s nephew has been staying with us for the last few days. Normally I don’t particularly enjoy having guests, but it’s been quite fun. Suat is 17 or 18 and is the son of Kaan’s eldest sister, Zahide. It’s an interesting situation; Suat is one of 13 siblings. It’s certainly a mind-boggling number. Granted, she’s the second wife of Suat’s father and has only given birth to EIGHT of the thirteen, but it’s still a scary number to those of us who think anything over 3 children is a lot. It marks another division between the rural families and the urban families, as I think it also does in the States. Families that come from the country (versus the city) tend to have larger families to aid in farming and whatnot. In the States, I think this also relates in a small part to rural religious conservatism (the Quiverfull-type people). I’m not sure I’m educated enough to make a judgment like that for Turkey, but I reckon there are similar circumstances. Whatever the reasons for this really large household, the situation is interesting to me.
Suat works during the day, so it’s been quiet at home. He comes home just as Kaan leaves for work, usually, so I finally have something to occupy me in the evenings. It’s really nice to have some company after spending most of the day alone. However, we’ve been staying up quite late the last few nights, and it’s really wearing on me. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoy staying up late, but I may try to go to sleep just a little bit earlier from now on. It’s really a drag to sleep most of the day because you were having too much fun hanging out the night before. It’s even more of a drag to not sleep all day but wish you had.
School is continuing. I find more and more that I’m frustrated by the lack of organization here. I have classes that I like (or would potentially like) but still have no clue how they will be graded. I don’t have a syllabus for one class. I have a partial syllabus for another. It’s really crazy. Mid-terms are in two or three weeks, and we don’t have a syllabus? Just ridiculous. On Thursday, my class was cancelled. Of course, since I don’t have internet at home, I couldn’t go check the online page. Luckily, nothing was posted online about a cancelled class. Apparently everyone except three of us knew there was to be no class. We showed up and waited for fifteen minutes before being kicked out of the room. It was really strange and frustrating! At DU, if class is going to be cancelled, we often know in advance. If a last minute cancellation, most teachers have the decency to send someone to post a note on the door. Sure, most of us are rooting for class to be cancelled, waiting for that 15th minute to pass so we can “legally” leave. But somehow it’s easier to root for a class to be cancelled when you aren’t the only one waiting for it to start. It’s so hard to be happy that class is cancelled when you weren’t going to come in the first place, but your sense of responsibility and obligation dragged you out of bed and aaaallllll the way to school.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
releasing expectations
My friend Ellie wrote this on her facebook page the other day: “release expectations”. I “liked” it, because I always find her status updates to be particularly thought-provoking. As it turns out, her post would come to fit my day exactly.
Yesterday, Kaan and I had a crossing of expectations. He expected that I would act the part of a Turkish housewife and serve food and drink to his visiting friend and him. I expected that he would understand how humiliating it feels to be told to bring tea from room to room. Maybe it’s just being unaccustomed to having to serve people and a general anxiety about houseguests, but I find the expectation to be carrying food and drink around—doing so because I am the woman in the house—rather outdated and sexist. Somehow, the two of us couldn’t communicate the personal significance of this particular act of hospitality and ended up having a very uncomfortable evening. He felt emasculated when I refused to bring the tea; I, in turn, felt angry and almost degraded when he asked me to without lifting a finger of his own. Definitely a superficial situation! However, with our incompatible expectations and lack of good communication, something as simple as making, carrying, and serving tea became a spot of contention in our relationship.
Not all expectations are bad, however. Some expectations can be motivating; for instance, the expectation that you will get all A’s one semester or find new friends in college can be a reason to work hard for your goal. On the flip side, negative expectations—like not making any friends—can hold you back from even trying. Many expectations relate to another’s actions; you might expect a co-worker to do his or her share of the work on a project, or expect that your family will give you a gift on your birthday. These are cultural or societal expectations, which I think are most often acceptable and fulfilling. Without communication, as in the example of the tea-serving above, even cultural expectations can be frustrating.
Other expectations can be harmless and surprising; most first time tourists in Turkey expect to find an Arab, Islamic society. After arriving here and seeing the diversity and truly unique culture, I imagine many of them are pleasantly surprised. What I find, however, is that most expectations end up with disappointing results. When I came to Turkey with AFS in 2006, one of the things that the volunteers stressed to us was to abandon our expectations and assumptions. Since I didn’t know squat about Turkey when I first came, I didn’t have many expectations about the country. What I did come to expect was a certain treatment by my host family, a certain lifestyle with them, and even certain standards in school. I was hoping to spend my time practicing my French and Russian, speaking French in school and Russian with the maid, even learning some Turkish with my friends and family. I expected a family which would spend time together, be active with AFS, and be intellectual, exploring the differences in our cultures and trying to grow. I was disappointed when those things didn’t happen. Expectations can really limit you; if you come into a new situation with rigid expectations like that, not only can you be disappointed, but you can also miss a chance to learn something new.
It’s not easy to walk into a situation without expectations. I think that humans naturally make assumptions and categorize what we see; that’s really all an expectation is. We see (or foresee) a situation which is similar to another situation, and we make assumptions about what that new situation will be like. But when daydreams and ponderances turn into situational expectations, I think we are opening ourselves up for disappointment. Unfortunately, it can be hard to tell when a daydream turns into an expectation, so I can’t offer any advice about that. I don’t think it’s harmful to daydream. What can be harmful is the process of building expectations; to this, my advice is that of Ellie’s…
Let go of your expectations! Being open to new experiences and adventures is what makes a good trip. It’s okay to be wrong in your daydreams; it’s a lot harder to repair damage caused by an under- or over-estimated expectation. Let life flow over you like currents in the bath tub (or lake/river/ocean, if you’re braver than me). Be a sponge; take in everything you see and figure out where it fits in your puzzle. But don’t limit yourself by expecting everything to be easy, beautiful, safe, or fun. Try to abandon your personal, self, cultural, and/or societal expectations and see things for what they are. That alone is a challenge, but I promise you will learn more by trying to be open than struggling to amend your expectations.
I hate to be corny or cliché, but this talk of expectations made me think of one of my favorite songs. The beauty of music, like any art, is that the observer can find his or her own message in it. Incubus’ ‘Earth to Bella Pt. 2’ inspires me to let go of my fears and expectations, allowing me to try and be spongier. Here is a short excerpt from that song:
“Earth to Bella, you’re treading water successfully
Are you really? Don’t you want to see the deep?
It’s not so hard, just forgive yourself and feel the water open”
Yesterday, Kaan and I had a crossing of expectations. He expected that I would act the part of a Turkish housewife and serve food and drink to his visiting friend and him. I expected that he would understand how humiliating it feels to be told to bring tea from room to room. Maybe it’s just being unaccustomed to having to serve people and a general anxiety about houseguests, but I find the expectation to be carrying food and drink around—doing so because I am the woman in the house—rather outdated and sexist. Somehow, the two of us couldn’t communicate the personal significance of this particular act of hospitality and ended up having a very uncomfortable evening. He felt emasculated when I refused to bring the tea; I, in turn, felt angry and almost degraded when he asked me to without lifting a finger of his own. Definitely a superficial situation! However, with our incompatible expectations and lack of good communication, something as simple as making, carrying, and serving tea became a spot of contention in our relationship.
Not all expectations are bad, however. Some expectations can be motivating; for instance, the expectation that you will get all A’s one semester or find new friends in college can be a reason to work hard for your goal. On the flip side, negative expectations—like not making any friends—can hold you back from even trying. Many expectations relate to another’s actions; you might expect a co-worker to do his or her share of the work on a project, or expect that your family will give you a gift on your birthday. These are cultural or societal expectations, which I think are most often acceptable and fulfilling. Without communication, as in the example of the tea-serving above, even cultural expectations can be frustrating.
Other expectations can be harmless and surprising; most first time tourists in Turkey expect to find an Arab, Islamic society. After arriving here and seeing the diversity and truly unique culture, I imagine many of them are pleasantly surprised. What I find, however, is that most expectations end up with disappointing results. When I came to Turkey with AFS in 2006, one of the things that the volunteers stressed to us was to abandon our expectations and assumptions. Since I didn’t know squat about Turkey when I first came, I didn’t have many expectations about the country. What I did come to expect was a certain treatment by my host family, a certain lifestyle with them, and even certain standards in school. I was hoping to spend my time practicing my French and Russian, speaking French in school and Russian with the maid, even learning some Turkish with my friends and family. I expected a family which would spend time together, be active with AFS, and be intellectual, exploring the differences in our cultures and trying to grow. I was disappointed when those things didn’t happen. Expectations can really limit you; if you come into a new situation with rigid expectations like that, not only can you be disappointed, but you can also miss a chance to learn something new.
It’s not easy to walk into a situation without expectations. I think that humans naturally make assumptions and categorize what we see; that’s really all an expectation is. We see (or foresee) a situation which is similar to another situation, and we make assumptions about what that new situation will be like. But when daydreams and ponderances turn into situational expectations, I think we are opening ourselves up for disappointment. Unfortunately, it can be hard to tell when a daydream turns into an expectation, so I can’t offer any advice about that. I don’t think it’s harmful to daydream. What can be harmful is the process of building expectations; to this, my advice is that of Ellie’s…
Let go of your expectations! Being open to new experiences and adventures is what makes a good trip. It’s okay to be wrong in your daydreams; it’s a lot harder to repair damage caused by an under- or over-estimated expectation. Let life flow over you like currents in the bath tub (or lake/river/ocean, if you’re braver than me). Be a sponge; take in everything you see and figure out where it fits in your puzzle. But don’t limit yourself by expecting everything to be easy, beautiful, safe, or fun. Try to abandon your personal, self, cultural, and/or societal expectations and see things for what they are. That alone is a challenge, but I promise you will learn more by trying to be open than struggling to amend your expectations.
I hate to be corny or cliché, but this talk of expectations made me think of one of my favorite songs. The beauty of music, like any art, is that the observer can find his or her own message in it. Incubus’ ‘Earth to Bella Pt. 2’ inspires me to let go of my fears and expectations, allowing me to try and be spongier. Here is a short excerpt from that song:
“Earth to Bella, you’re treading water successfully
Are you really? Don’t you want to see the deep?
It’s not so hard, just forgive yourself and feel the water open”
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I did say I'd update in the new year..
I didn't anticipate it would take me this long to get to my blog! What a shame.
Luckily for all of my reader friends, none of you have missed anything of note, excepting a 3-day snow storm and really cold weather. I'll give you all a brief run down of my time since December 18 anyway.
Christmas, aka Dec. 25: Kaan and I didn't do anything. I tried to encourage a gift exchange, but I don't think he quite understood the essence of gift giving. I got him some CDs and a new belt (which he sorely needed!). I then bought myself a beautiful scarf, hoping he wouldn't buy the same thing. He certainly didn't; instead, he bought a set of cute (but sort of silly) mugs with children and hearts on them. I won't lie, it was a little upsetting. No matter how secular you are, missing a holiday which is usually spent with your family is really a sad thing. I love Kaan, absolutely. However, it made me realize how much I enjoy holidays with my family, silly presents and all. It also made me realize how much removed from my culture I am; again, no matter how adjusted you feel, there are times even in the middle of your trip that you feel a bit of culture shock.
My friend Jessi would often stress the importance of sharing even the negative experiences on these blogs, in hopes that future study abroad-ers won't feel so alien when they have a bad day. This is my contribution to that wisdom. Holidays are the hardest time to be away from your home. I experienced a similar anxiety in 2006 on my high school trip. During that time though, my host family had asked me to leave their house. Due to this, I didn't attribute much of my melancholy to being away from my real family. Looking back, however, I think that home sickness did kick in right around the holidays, making the family turmoil that much harder.
So anyway, don't be surprised if the holidays start making you blue. It can be tough to be so far away from everything you know and love during the holidays. My advice is have a good cry (or whatever works for you), find solace in your friends, seek members of the ex-pat community to bond with, and remember that the trip won't last so much longer that you can't make it. I have days when I wake up, look at the calendar, and groan. Six months is a tremendously long time some days. But time--and your home sickness/melancholy--will pass.
During the end of 2009 and early 2010, many of my new friends returned to their homes. This made my holidays a little dull. Kaan spent much of his free time searching for a job, and I think I spent a lot of time watching TV. I only had one final exam, which went fairly well. So, really, I didn't have anything exciting going on in my life.
New Year's Eve was pretty boring too. Kaan and I bought a bunch of junk food and watched TV for the evening. I was hoping for something akin to the American NYE celebrations: the news channels send representatives to NYC to talk to people, watch concerts, and eventually do the countdown/ball drop. Often, we also get to see clips of other countries celebrating. Like I said, I was hoping for something like that. From what I can tell, the TV channels here put on a "NYE special", which is often a lot of singing and very little fireworking. I wasn't captivated or impressed. We did finally find something to watch (a sort of Turkish "Deal or No Deal") and passed the evening quite well. We saw some fireworks at midnight and went to bed shortly after. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to blissfully sleep into the new year. I woke up at 630am on January 1 with vomit and other unpleasant bodily functions. I spent most of the next three days being a sick lump at home. It was definitely not a fun way to bring in the new year.
Let's see. The other thing to talk about is school, I suppose. I did get my grades back from the four classes I took. I received 3 A's and one A-. I was pretty pleased with myself. Granted, I took classes taught in English--and only four of them. I'm going to try to take a heavier courseload this time around. I'm thinking of continuing with Russian and Turkish, taking a Turkey and the EU course, an intro to int'l human rights law course, and maybe a class in sociology. I haven't narrowed down my two elective slots yet, but I'm considering 6 or 7 classes to take. I don't have to register until 3 Feb, so I still have some time to decide. Classes will start again on 8 Feb.
My birthday is 1 Feb! I'll be turning 21, not something particularly exciting here in Turkey. I don't believe I have any plans, though I have been told one of Kaan's friends (who works in a cake store) wants to throw me a surprise party. Some surprise! I'll certainly eat cake whenever possible, and a birthday is a good excuse for cake.
Starbucks has become my new "spot" for internet. I hope to be more active online now that I don't have to rely on sketchy internet cafes. I have some projects brewing in my mind, one of which finally fulfills my video promises. Hopefully I can get the ball moving on those.
I hope the new year finds everyone in good health, both of body and mind. Again, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates from now on!
Luckily for all of my reader friends, none of you have missed anything of note, excepting a 3-day snow storm and really cold weather. I'll give you all a brief run down of my time since December 18 anyway.
Christmas, aka Dec. 25: Kaan and I didn't do anything. I tried to encourage a gift exchange, but I don't think he quite understood the essence of gift giving. I got him some CDs and a new belt (which he sorely needed!). I then bought myself a beautiful scarf, hoping he wouldn't buy the same thing. He certainly didn't; instead, he bought a set of cute (but sort of silly) mugs with children and hearts on them. I won't lie, it was a little upsetting. No matter how secular you are, missing a holiday which is usually spent with your family is really a sad thing. I love Kaan, absolutely. However, it made me realize how much I enjoy holidays with my family, silly presents and all. It also made me realize how much removed from my culture I am; again, no matter how adjusted you feel, there are times even in the middle of your trip that you feel a bit of culture shock.
My friend Jessi would often stress the importance of sharing even the negative experiences on these blogs, in hopes that future study abroad-ers won't feel so alien when they have a bad day. This is my contribution to that wisdom. Holidays are the hardest time to be away from your home. I experienced a similar anxiety in 2006 on my high school trip. During that time though, my host family had asked me to leave their house. Due to this, I didn't attribute much of my melancholy to being away from my real family. Looking back, however, I think that home sickness did kick in right around the holidays, making the family turmoil that much harder.
So anyway, don't be surprised if the holidays start making you blue. It can be tough to be so far away from everything you know and love during the holidays. My advice is have a good cry (or whatever works for you), find solace in your friends, seek members of the ex-pat community to bond with, and remember that the trip won't last so much longer that you can't make it. I have days when I wake up, look at the calendar, and groan. Six months is a tremendously long time some days. But time--and your home sickness/melancholy--will pass.
During the end of 2009 and early 2010, many of my new friends returned to their homes. This made my holidays a little dull. Kaan spent much of his free time searching for a job, and I think I spent a lot of time watching TV. I only had one final exam, which went fairly well. So, really, I didn't have anything exciting going on in my life.
New Year's Eve was pretty boring too. Kaan and I bought a bunch of junk food and watched TV for the evening. I was hoping for something akin to the American NYE celebrations: the news channels send representatives to NYC to talk to people, watch concerts, and eventually do the countdown/ball drop. Often, we also get to see clips of other countries celebrating. Like I said, I was hoping for something like that. From what I can tell, the TV channels here put on a "NYE special", which is often a lot of singing and very little fireworking. I wasn't captivated or impressed. We did finally find something to watch (a sort of Turkish "Deal or No Deal") and passed the evening quite well. We saw some fireworks at midnight and went to bed shortly after. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to blissfully sleep into the new year. I woke up at 630am on January 1 with vomit and other unpleasant bodily functions. I spent most of the next three days being a sick lump at home. It was definitely not a fun way to bring in the new year.
Let's see. The other thing to talk about is school, I suppose. I did get my grades back from the four classes I took. I received 3 A's and one A-. I was pretty pleased with myself. Granted, I took classes taught in English--and only four of them. I'm going to try to take a heavier courseload this time around. I'm thinking of continuing with Russian and Turkish, taking a Turkey and the EU course, an intro to int'l human rights law course, and maybe a class in sociology. I haven't narrowed down my two elective slots yet, but I'm considering 6 or 7 classes to take. I don't have to register until 3 Feb, so I still have some time to decide. Classes will start again on 8 Feb.
My birthday is 1 Feb! I'll be turning 21, not something particularly exciting here in Turkey. I don't believe I have any plans, though I have been told one of Kaan's friends (who works in a cake store) wants to throw me a surprise party. Some surprise! I'll certainly eat cake whenever possible, and a birthday is a good excuse for cake.
Starbucks has become my new "spot" for internet. I hope to be more active online now that I don't have to rely on sketchy internet cafes. I have some projects brewing in my mind, one of which finally fulfills my video promises. Hopefully I can get the ball moving on those.
I hope the new year finds everyone in good health, both of body and mind. Again, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates from now on!
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