reading in a foreign language

I have a problem when it comes to learning a language; I'm always very fearful of making a mistake. I'm usually a decent reader/writer, but I'm terrified of speaking. I freeze up and forget all of my vocabulary and grammar. It's really awful. Even if I can understand a conversation as a third party, the moment that I enter a conversation, everything goes away. I know I'm not alone in this; learning a foreign language is incredibly difficult.

When I started learning Turkish, it was no different. Our Istanbul AFS group had Turkish lessons every weekend for about an hour. They were decent. It's difficult to teach a language without a teaching background, but our native speaker teachers did pretty good. We began to see the pattern of Turkish, and some of us got improved really quickly. I, naturally, was not among those who improved quickly. I could remember vocabulary and grammar easily, but I would never, ever volunteer to speak. I always left it up to my friends. In my host families, in school, at restaurants--wherever I was, English was the language I spoke. I had a decent grasp of Turkish after three or four months; I could form basic ideas and use a small variety of grammar. When I met Kaan, we were able to hold basic conversations. Speaking with him naturally made me more confident; since he didn't (and still doesn't) know much English, speaking Turkish with him helped me improve drastically.

Over the years, Kaan and I spoke pretty regularly on the phone and on MSN. We didn't have deep, spiritual conversations, but it was enough practice to keep me from forgetting what I had learned in those 10 months. Many of the other friends from that year have admitted that they haven't been practicing and thus, have lost much of what they learned. It's a shame; if they had kept with it, many would probably be nearly-fluent. That isn't my point here--though I think it is important to stress that a student of any foreign language should try and use it regularly, even if only in basic conversations.

The point of this little text is to share that I've finished reading my first -real- book in Turkish. I don't think I can express how proud I am of myself. I have learned Turkish to a point where I can read 350 page novels with about 80% comprehension. I used to be so afraid to speak, so afraid to make a mistake. If I hadn't met Kaan, I don't think I would be able to speak, let alone read and converse. I'm excited now, to see how much farther I can take this skill. I'm eagerly searching for my next book to conquer.. it's a really nice feeling.

Life has been pretty dull for the last couple of weeks. As I mentioned before, I was lucky enough to have my darling friend Cameron visit in the last week of May. He left on the morning of June 1, leaving me just enough time to begin to prepare for my finals.

I have one left to do--a presentation for my Turkish class--but otherwise I'm done with school. It's a relief, really.. I enjoy taking classes and engaging in discussions, but I despise writing finals. Somehow the finals here seem so different from the finals in the States; they seem to be mostly timed essay responses. I don't mind a take-home essay so much, but sitting through these timed essays is really stressful.

I'll be transferring a fair amount of credits back to my host university, but I fear it won't be nearly enough. I've been doing some planning for this next year, and it appears that I'll be breaking my back and paying extra tuition to catch up and graduate, or I'll be staying an extra quarter or two. At roughly 12,000US per quarter, taking a little bit of extra time isn't as light of a decision as it sounds. I don't really know what I'll do about the future; then again, no one ever really does.

I'd like to apply for a teaching post in Turkey through Fulbright for the 2011-2012 school year. I would like a chance to give back to the 'community' that has given me so much. If I make it through this next year, I'll sure be glad to have a lot more freedom to do some traveling and teaching.


For now, though, I have to get ready to go to my last class/final. I'm already in summer mode, so I'm hoping the meeting is easy and quick!