One thing I love about Istanbul is that the city is so big that there's always something going on. Most of these goings on happen in my part of town, so I often get a chance to see some pretty exciting things.
Today, my visiting friend Cameron and I were hanging about the Taksim Square area when a parade of boating enthusiasts passed by. There were people from Indonesia, Croatia, France, Russia, Ukraine, and even Poland. There were marching bands, songs, and some people dressed as animals. It was pretty much the best parade I've ever seen. Cameron and I got to see it three times. First, we watched it go by as it entered Istiklal Caddesi. We watched it a second time as we walked along it, passing the various groups and interrupting camera shots. Finally, after we passed the first group a good kilometer down, we got to watch it all pass by again. It was a lovely thing. I'm trying to see if we made it on the news as observers.
Traveling is always more fun with a friend. Watching the locals can even be fun with someone to chat with. Much of our day today was spent just people watching and strolling around the streets of Taksim. It's nice to finally be in a position to host someone and show them around.
I've been taking advantage of having my friend around by bouncing ideas off of him for the future. I have a lot of plans bubbling around in my head right now. It's definitely helpful to have someone to discuss them with.
I suppose the conclusion of this post is that parades are awesome, but even better with a friend.
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Friday, May 28, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
releasing expectations
My friend Ellie wrote this on her facebook page the other day: “release expectations”. I “liked” it, because I always find her status updates to be particularly thought-provoking. As it turns out, her post would come to fit my day exactly.
Yesterday, Kaan and I had a crossing of expectations. He expected that I would act the part of a Turkish housewife and serve food and drink to his visiting friend and him. I expected that he would understand how humiliating it feels to be told to bring tea from room to room. Maybe it’s just being unaccustomed to having to serve people and a general anxiety about houseguests, but I find the expectation to be carrying food and drink around—doing so because I am the woman in the house—rather outdated and sexist. Somehow, the two of us couldn’t communicate the personal significance of this particular act of hospitality and ended up having a very uncomfortable evening. He felt emasculated when I refused to bring the tea; I, in turn, felt angry and almost degraded when he asked me to without lifting a finger of his own. Definitely a superficial situation! However, with our incompatible expectations and lack of good communication, something as simple as making, carrying, and serving tea became a spot of contention in our relationship.
Not all expectations are bad, however. Some expectations can be motivating; for instance, the expectation that you will get all A’s one semester or find new friends in college can be a reason to work hard for your goal. On the flip side, negative expectations—like not making any friends—can hold you back from even trying. Many expectations relate to another’s actions; you might expect a co-worker to do his or her share of the work on a project, or expect that your family will give you a gift on your birthday. These are cultural or societal expectations, which I think are most often acceptable and fulfilling. Without communication, as in the example of the tea-serving above, even cultural expectations can be frustrating.
Other expectations can be harmless and surprising; most first time tourists in Turkey expect to find an Arab, Islamic society. After arriving here and seeing the diversity and truly unique culture, I imagine many of them are pleasantly surprised. What I find, however, is that most expectations end up with disappointing results. When I came to Turkey with AFS in 2006, one of the things that the volunteers stressed to us was to abandon our expectations and assumptions. Since I didn’t know squat about Turkey when I first came, I didn’t have many expectations about the country. What I did come to expect was a certain treatment by my host family, a certain lifestyle with them, and even certain standards in school. I was hoping to spend my time practicing my French and Russian, speaking French in school and Russian with the maid, even learning some Turkish with my friends and family. I expected a family which would spend time together, be active with AFS, and be intellectual, exploring the differences in our cultures and trying to grow. I was disappointed when those things didn’t happen. Expectations can really limit you; if you come into a new situation with rigid expectations like that, not only can you be disappointed, but you can also miss a chance to learn something new.
It’s not easy to walk into a situation without expectations. I think that humans naturally make assumptions and categorize what we see; that’s really all an expectation is. We see (or foresee) a situation which is similar to another situation, and we make assumptions about what that new situation will be like. But when daydreams and ponderances turn into situational expectations, I think we are opening ourselves up for disappointment. Unfortunately, it can be hard to tell when a daydream turns into an expectation, so I can’t offer any advice about that. I don’t think it’s harmful to daydream. What can be harmful is the process of building expectations; to this, my advice is that of Ellie’s…
Let go of your expectations! Being open to new experiences and adventures is what makes a good trip. It’s okay to be wrong in your daydreams; it’s a lot harder to repair damage caused by an under- or over-estimated expectation. Let life flow over you like currents in the bath tub (or lake/river/ocean, if you’re braver than me). Be a sponge; take in everything you see and figure out where it fits in your puzzle. But don’t limit yourself by expecting everything to be easy, beautiful, safe, or fun. Try to abandon your personal, self, cultural, and/or societal expectations and see things for what they are. That alone is a challenge, but I promise you will learn more by trying to be open than struggling to amend your expectations.
I hate to be corny or cliché, but this talk of expectations made me think of one of my favorite songs. The beauty of music, like any art, is that the observer can find his or her own message in it. Incubus’ ‘Earth to Bella Pt. 2’ inspires me to let go of my fears and expectations, allowing me to try and be spongier. Here is a short excerpt from that song:
“Earth to Bella, you’re treading water successfully
Are you really? Don’t you want to see the deep?
It’s not so hard, just forgive yourself and feel the water open”
Yesterday, Kaan and I had a crossing of expectations. He expected that I would act the part of a Turkish housewife and serve food and drink to his visiting friend and him. I expected that he would understand how humiliating it feels to be told to bring tea from room to room. Maybe it’s just being unaccustomed to having to serve people and a general anxiety about houseguests, but I find the expectation to be carrying food and drink around—doing so because I am the woman in the house—rather outdated and sexist. Somehow, the two of us couldn’t communicate the personal significance of this particular act of hospitality and ended up having a very uncomfortable evening. He felt emasculated when I refused to bring the tea; I, in turn, felt angry and almost degraded when he asked me to without lifting a finger of his own. Definitely a superficial situation! However, with our incompatible expectations and lack of good communication, something as simple as making, carrying, and serving tea became a spot of contention in our relationship.
Not all expectations are bad, however. Some expectations can be motivating; for instance, the expectation that you will get all A’s one semester or find new friends in college can be a reason to work hard for your goal. On the flip side, negative expectations—like not making any friends—can hold you back from even trying. Many expectations relate to another’s actions; you might expect a co-worker to do his or her share of the work on a project, or expect that your family will give you a gift on your birthday. These are cultural or societal expectations, which I think are most often acceptable and fulfilling. Without communication, as in the example of the tea-serving above, even cultural expectations can be frustrating.
Other expectations can be harmless and surprising; most first time tourists in Turkey expect to find an Arab, Islamic society. After arriving here and seeing the diversity and truly unique culture, I imagine many of them are pleasantly surprised. What I find, however, is that most expectations end up with disappointing results. When I came to Turkey with AFS in 2006, one of the things that the volunteers stressed to us was to abandon our expectations and assumptions. Since I didn’t know squat about Turkey when I first came, I didn’t have many expectations about the country. What I did come to expect was a certain treatment by my host family, a certain lifestyle with them, and even certain standards in school. I was hoping to spend my time practicing my French and Russian, speaking French in school and Russian with the maid, even learning some Turkish with my friends and family. I expected a family which would spend time together, be active with AFS, and be intellectual, exploring the differences in our cultures and trying to grow. I was disappointed when those things didn’t happen. Expectations can really limit you; if you come into a new situation with rigid expectations like that, not only can you be disappointed, but you can also miss a chance to learn something new.
It’s not easy to walk into a situation without expectations. I think that humans naturally make assumptions and categorize what we see; that’s really all an expectation is. We see (or foresee) a situation which is similar to another situation, and we make assumptions about what that new situation will be like. But when daydreams and ponderances turn into situational expectations, I think we are opening ourselves up for disappointment. Unfortunately, it can be hard to tell when a daydream turns into an expectation, so I can’t offer any advice about that. I don’t think it’s harmful to daydream. What can be harmful is the process of building expectations; to this, my advice is that of Ellie’s…
Let go of your expectations! Being open to new experiences and adventures is what makes a good trip. It’s okay to be wrong in your daydreams; it’s a lot harder to repair damage caused by an under- or over-estimated expectation. Let life flow over you like currents in the bath tub (or lake/river/ocean, if you’re braver than me). Be a sponge; take in everything you see and figure out where it fits in your puzzle. But don’t limit yourself by expecting everything to be easy, beautiful, safe, or fun. Try to abandon your personal, self, cultural, and/or societal expectations and see things for what they are. That alone is a challenge, but I promise you will learn more by trying to be open than struggling to amend your expectations.
I hate to be corny or cliché, but this talk of expectations made me think of one of my favorite songs. The beauty of music, like any art, is that the observer can find his or her own message in it. Incubus’ ‘Earth to Bella Pt. 2’ inspires me to let go of my fears and expectations, allowing me to try and be spongier. Here is a short excerpt from that song:
“Earth to Bella, you’re treading water successfully
Are you really? Don’t you want to see the deep?
It’s not so hard, just forgive yourself and feel the water open”
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I did say I'd update in the new year..
I didn't anticipate it would take me this long to get to my blog! What a shame.
Luckily for all of my reader friends, none of you have missed anything of note, excepting a 3-day snow storm and really cold weather. I'll give you all a brief run down of my time since December 18 anyway.
Christmas, aka Dec. 25: Kaan and I didn't do anything. I tried to encourage a gift exchange, but I don't think he quite understood the essence of gift giving. I got him some CDs and a new belt (which he sorely needed!). I then bought myself a beautiful scarf, hoping he wouldn't buy the same thing. He certainly didn't; instead, he bought a set of cute (but sort of silly) mugs with children and hearts on them. I won't lie, it was a little upsetting. No matter how secular you are, missing a holiday which is usually spent with your family is really a sad thing. I love Kaan, absolutely. However, it made me realize how much I enjoy holidays with my family, silly presents and all. It also made me realize how much removed from my culture I am; again, no matter how adjusted you feel, there are times even in the middle of your trip that you feel a bit of culture shock.
My friend Jessi would often stress the importance of sharing even the negative experiences on these blogs, in hopes that future study abroad-ers won't feel so alien when they have a bad day. This is my contribution to that wisdom. Holidays are the hardest time to be away from your home. I experienced a similar anxiety in 2006 on my high school trip. During that time though, my host family had asked me to leave their house. Due to this, I didn't attribute much of my melancholy to being away from my real family. Looking back, however, I think that home sickness did kick in right around the holidays, making the family turmoil that much harder.
So anyway, don't be surprised if the holidays start making you blue. It can be tough to be so far away from everything you know and love during the holidays. My advice is have a good cry (or whatever works for you), find solace in your friends, seek members of the ex-pat community to bond with, and remember that the trip won't last so much longer that you can't make it. I have days when I wake up, look at the calendar, and groan. Six months is a tremendously long time some days. But time--and your home sickness/melancholy--will pass.
During the end of 2009 and early 2010, many of my new friends returned to their homes. This made my holidays a little dull. Kaan spent much of his free time searching for a job, and I think I spent a lot of time watching TV. I only had one final exam, which went fairly well. So, really, I didn't have anything exciting going on in my life.
New Year's Eve was pretty boring too. Kaan and I bought a bunch of junk food and watched TV for the evening. I was hoping for something akin to the American NYE celebrations: the news channels send representatives to NYC to talk to people, watch concerts, and eventually do the countdown/ball drop. Often, we also get to see clips of other countries celebrating. Like I said, I was hoping for something like that. From what I can tell, the TV channels here put on a "NYE special", which is often a lot of singing and very little fireworking. I wasn't captivated or impressed. We did finally find something to watch (a sort of Turkish "Deal or No Deal") and passed the evening quite well. We saw some fireworks at midnight and went to bed shortly after. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to blissfully sleep into the new year. I woke up at 630am on January 1 with vomit and other unpleasant bodily functions. I spent most of the next three days being a sick lump at home. It was definitely not a fun way to bring in the new year.
Let's see. The other thing to talk about is school, I suppose. I did get my grades back from the four classes I took. I received 3 A's and one A-. I was pretty pleased with myself. Granted, I took classes taught in English--and only four of them. I'm going to try to take a heavier courseload this time around. I'm thinking of continuing with Russian and Turkish, taking a Turkey and the EU course, an intro to int'l human rights law course, and maybe a class in sociology. I haven't narrowed down my two elective slots yet, but I'm considering 6 or 7 classes to take. I don't have to register until 3 Feb, so I still have some time to decide. Classes will start again on 8 Feb.
My birthday is 1 Feb! I'll be turning 21, not something particularly exciting here in Turkey. I don't believe I have any plans, though I have been told one of Kaan's friends (who works in a cake store) wants to throw me a surprise party. Some surprise! I'll certainly eat cake whenever possible, and a birthday is a good excuse for cake.
Starbucks has become my new "spot" for internet. I hope to be more active online now that I don't have to rely on sketchy internet cafes. I have some projects brewing in my mind, one of which finally fulfills my video promises. Hopefully I can get the ball moving on those.
I hope the new year finds everyone in good health, both of body and mind. Again, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates from now on!
Luckily for all of my reader friends, none of you have missed anything of note, excepting a 3-day snow storm and really cold weather. I'll give you all a brief run down of my time since December 18 anyway.
Christmas, aka Dec. 25: Kaan and I didn't do anything. I tried to encourage a gift exchange, but I don't think he quite understood the essence of gift giving. I got him some CDs and a new belt (which he sorely needed!). I then bought myself a beautiful scarf, hoping he wouldn't buy the same thing. He certainly didn't; instead, he bought a set of cute (but sort of silly) mugs with children and hearts on them. I won't lie, it was a little upsetting. No matter how secular you are, missing a holiday which is usually spent with your family is really a sad thing. I love Kaan, absolutely. However, it made me realize how much I enjoy holidays with my family, silly presents and all. It also made me realize how much removed from my culture I am; again, no matter how adjusted you feel, there are times even in the middle of your trip that you feel a bit of culture shock.
My friend Jessi would often stress the importance of sharing even the negative experiences on these blogs, in hopes that future study abroad-ers won't feel so alien when they have a bad day. This is my contribution to that wisdom. Holidays are the hardest time to be away from your home. I experienced a similar anxiety in 2006 on my high school trip. During that time though, my host family had asked me to leave their house. Due to this, I didn't attribute much of my melancholy to being away from my real family. Looking back, however, I think that home sickness did kick in right around the holidays, making the family turmoil that much harder.
So anyway, don't be surprised if the holidays start making you blue. It can be tough to be so far away from everything you know and love during the holidays. My advice is have a good cry (or whatever works for you), find solace in your friends, seek members of the ex-pat community to bond with, and remember that the trip won't last so much longer that you can't make it. I have days when I wake up, look at the calendar, and groan. Six months is a tremendously long time some days. But time--and your home sickness/melancholy--will pass.
During the end of 2009 and early 2010, many of my new friends returned to their homes. This made my holidays a little dull. Kaan spent much of his free time searching for a job, and I think I spent a lot of time watching TV. I only had one final exam, which went fairly well. So, really, I didn't have anything exciting going on in my life.
New Year's Eve was pretty boring too. Kaan and I bought a bunch of junk food and watched TV for the evening. I was hoping for something akin to the American NYE celebrations: the news channels send representatives to NYC to talk to people, watch concerts, and eventually do the countdown/ball drop. Often, we also get to see clips of other countries celebrating. Like I said, I was hoping for something like that. From what I can tell, the TV channels here put on a "NYE special", which is often a lot of singing and very little fireworking. I wasn't captivated or impressed. We did finally find something to watch (a sort of Turkish "Deal or No Deal") and passed the evening quite well. We saw some fireworks at midnight and went to bed shortly after. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to blissfully sleep into the new year. I woke up at 630am on January 1 with vomit and other unpleasant bodily functions. I spent most of the next three days being a sick lump at home. It was definitely not a fun way to bring in the new year.
Let's see. The other thing to talk about is school, I suppose. I did get my grades back from the four classes I took. I received 3 A's and one A-. I was pretty pleased with myself. Granted, I took classes taught in English--and only four of them. I'm going to try to take a heavier courseload this time around. I'm thinking of continuing with Russian and Turkish, taking a Turkey and the EU course, an intro to int'l human rights law course, and maybe a class in sociology. I haven't narrowed down my two elective slots yet, but I'm considering 6 or 7 classes to take. I don't have to register until 3 Feb, so I still have some time to decide. Classes will start again on 8 Feb.
My birthday is 1 Feb! I'll be turning 21, not something particularly exciting here in Turkey. I don't believe I have any plans, though I have been told one of Kaan's friends (who works in a cake store) wants to throw me a surprise party. Some surprise! I'll certainly eat cake whenever possible, and a birthday is a good excuse for cake.
Starbucks has become my new "spot" for internet. I hope to be more active online now that I don't have to rely on sketchy internet cafes. I have some projects brewing in my mind, one of which finally fulfills my video promises. Hopefully I can get the ball moving on those.
I hope the new year finds everyone in good health, both of body and mind. Again, I'll try to be more consistent with my updates from now on!
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